How many candles could I light for the living and the dead

[debs]

It's the birthday of one of my best friends from high school, so I gave him a call. We talked for about fifteen minutes and he seemed really pleased to hear from me. So someone explain why now I feel like crying again. Sigh. This continual fluctuation between numbness and self-pitying sorrow is starting to wear.

On the days when I feel overwhelming numbness, I often try to use music to jolt myself out of it. Often I have to use music I can't listen to on "normal" days because it usually makes me feel too much; I require that sort of overboard response just to get back to something resembling a normal emotive footing.

I also have music that I associate with days of the week. For example, I chose Jolie Holland for todays OSaD pick because she feels "Sunday" to me. I only own one album, but I'd like to pick up the one that this particular song resides on because this song hits me in my heart whenever I hear it. It's the melody and the imagery; I think this one is more accessible than some of her others but it's still unique and affecting.

I also think my above-mentioned friend would enjoy her. :)

"Mexico City" by Jolie Holland
(yousendit) (sendspace)

Comments

[soar38.livejournal.com]

Do you think a part of you just missed the friendship from school?

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

Likely. He was a really good friend. I think I'm also jealous of the life he's created for himself.

[soar38.livejournal.com]

I try not to look into old school friends like that because I don't want to know if their lives are better than mine.

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

Yep. One of the main reasons I left Facebook, actually. It's easier to pretend everyone else isn't more successful/happier than me if I don't have to read about it on their wall. ;)

[soar38.livejournal.com]

I know a lot of them have quite different lives, and I don't entirely feel envious of that.

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

I don't envy the babies or the spouses necessarily, just that "settled" feeling. I would like to not have to worry about my job or my lack of spouse/children. Basically, I'm lazy. Or something.

[soar38.livejournal.com]

I agree, I would like that settled feeling, I just can't muster up the energy to do much about it, so I just kind of plod on, and wait for things like meeting up with my friends to brighten my days. *Hugs*