How many candles could I light for the living and the dead

[debs]

It's the birthday of one of my best friends from high school, so I gave him a call. We talked for about fifteen minutes and he seemed really pleased to hear from me. So someone explain why now I feel like crying again. Sigh. This continual fluctuation between numbness and self-pitying sorrow is starting to wear.

On the days when I feel overwhelming numbness, I often try to use music to jolt myself out of it. Often I have to use music I can't listen to on "normal" days because it usually makes me feel too much; I require that sort of overboard response just to get back to something resembling a normal emotive footing.

I also have music that I associate with days of the week. For example, I chose Jolie Holland for todays OSaD pick because she feels "Sunday" to me. I only own one album, but I'd like to pick up the one that this particular song resides on because this song hits me in my heart whenever I hear it. It's the melody and the imagery; I think this one is more accessible than some of her others but it's still unique and affecting.

I also think my above-mentioned friend would enjoy her. :)

"Mexico City" by Jolie Holland
(yousendit) (sendspace)

Comments

[soar38.livejournal.com]

Do you think a part of you just missed the friendship from school?

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

Likely. He was a really good friend. I think I'm also jealous of the life he's created for himself.

[soar38.livejournal.com]

I try not to look into old school friends like that because I don't want to know if their lives are better than mine.

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

Yep. One of the main reasons I left Facebook, actually. It's easier to pretend everyone else isn't more successful/happier than me if I don't have to read about it on their wall. ;)

[soar38.livejournal.com]

I know a lot of them have quite different lives, and I don't entirely feel envious of that.

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

I don't envy the babies or the spouses necessarily, just that "settled" feeling. I would like to not have to worry about my job or my lack of spouse/children. Basically, I'm lazy. Or something.

[soar38.livejournal.com]

I agree, I would like that settled feeling, I just can't muster up the energy to do much about it, so I just kind of plod on, and wait for things like meeting up with my friends to brighten my days. *Hugs*

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

First up, *enormous padahugs* I think sometimes there's no explanation. :( But I know I'm not the only one who's here and who loves you and will help if possible.

Second, I love you and your music. ♥

And thank you for sharing this song. :D

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

I'm just a mess right now, I think that's the explanation. *hugs*

Music is usually what helps me through this stuff. Not doing it's job this time 'round, but the album I was listening to today charmed me in way that music hasn't for awhile, so I'll post something from it tonight.

I love this song, particularly the melody of the chorus.

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

Talking music with you makes me happy. ♥ *hugs*

Sometimes you can't help being a mess. Sometimes it's just hard. But then it gets better again. I know that doesn't help, but yeah. Just know that you're loved. *padasnugs*

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

I feel like I don't have much of interest to say about music these days, but I'm trying. *hugs back*

I'd just like to find my way back to some sort of even ground. :( Miss you. *snugs*

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

I think you're doing pretty good on all fronts. *hugs* and *snugs*

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

Thank you; you're a big help in that department. :) *snugs*

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

Really? I hope so. I feel useless and unhelpful. *snugs*

[shoelacedreamer.livejournal.com]

You are more helpful than you know. *CLINGS*

[dissonant-dream.livejournal.com]

*CLINGS BACK* I am glad to help. ♥ you.